Teamwork makes the dreamwork and everything else

horseMy husband is away at the moment and after two weeks of daily togetherness over the festive season I am glad to see the back of him and I know the feeling is mutual.  We don’t exist well together if we are together all the time, it’s just not how we work.  I also don’t need to know every last detail about his day or feel responsible for him.  He’s responsible for himself, I am for me and we are for us.  I see so many couples who practically have another child instead of a husband or wife.   One does everything, pretty much all of the time and the ‘adult kid’ is unaware of their lack of adulthood and spousal responsibilities.  It was for ‘better or worse, richer or poorer’ which to me at least meant that covered both of us when needed, with the other one to prop up and rally when it comes to it.  Teamwork, pass the baton, take over, whatever you want to call it this power must continually shift or someone gets the shit end of the stick and practically drowns in fresh turd daily.  I’ve spent days in bed when feeling low, ignoring all, being a bitch and my husband knows that’s what I need to do.  He needs a beer and the company of other men and some dark spirits, to lift his dark spirits.  Of course, we’ve been in the doldrums together when lack of money, business failure, redundancy and illness have hit and this is when teamwork is needed, we both had to drag our sorry asses up and at ’em for ourselves and each other.  But when it’s too tipped the other way all the time, enough is enough.  Say so, because the other person is happy as larry wafting in their own little world whilst you are a breath away from a constant sob/scream.  You need to sit down with your other half and tell them how you feel, how you can’t be like this anymore, the support and help you give to them is now done because you are done.  You’ve done more than enough to be their constant cheerleader and advocate. If they can’t see it, don’t listen or understand, then you have big decisions to make.  Women are workhorses and will go and go until we drop, but in this day and age, we don’t have to drop.  Others can take over the reins even if they are the reins they do not want to hold at the moment; well that’s just tough.  My and my husband are not perfect in any way and it all goes tits up at times, but what we can do is yell at each other, email a rant and talk face to face about how we are doing because this rejigs things back into a new focus which is much needed.  You do have to take the rough with the smooth and most importantly, you must know when to hold up the ‘STOP, ENOUGH’ sign.  It’s not your job to make someone else’s dreams come true, they are big enough and ugly enough to try themselves and if they are really lucky they will get your love and support to make it happen but not at the cost of YOU.

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