New Born Baby aged 15

newSince my eldest was diagnosed with type one diabetes in the Summer I’ve felt like I’ve had a newborn baby all over again, aged 15.  When we brought him home 10 days after he was born we felt scared and clueless, every minute something new was realised.  It is the same all over again with T1; it’s all new to us all.

Very much like when you have a newborn, they are your sole focus as they rely on you to survive.  Same again with T1, I’ve had to back off from life and all the associated noise as I don’t have room in my head for much else, other than this constant T1.  Do we have enough needles, insulin, hypo treatments, nighttime insulin, test strips, batteries, plus about another 25 things each day we need?  What are his levels right now?  And before and after breakfast/lunch/dinner/snack, sport/school/watching TV/wrestling with his brother/walking to the shops/car journey, or during illness/stress/teenage hormones/upset ?  He needs to go to bed between blood sugar levels 8 and 10 to ensure good levels in the night, but what if he’s too low or high, will a correction bring him down or a snack bring him up OK?  Which snack though?  Getting up at 3am each night to ensure it’s gone to plan is now routine.

Every night I go to bed gripped by the fear he will slip into a hypo and become seriously ill.  It’s 24 hrs air traffic control scanning, it won’t ever stop.  Every other illness or condition he’s had has come and gone, this one is here to stay.  It’s a bastard it’s hit during the teen years with hormones and GCSEs, take all the normal stuff Mums worry about with their kids and add on a life-threatening layer.  I’ve been distraught and bereft but also laser focused and determined to deal with it all, in fact, I’ve checked his level mid-blog post (11.2 fyi) and I got a huge hug of my 6 foot 2 inches newborn baby!  And I have three new divine handbags to use to keep all the shizz in which makes this all a bit better.

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